The other day in class, we discussed the question of who ultimately decided that four years was the definitive number of years it will typically take for the “average” college student to graduate from a bachelor’s program.  Is there a line drawn somewhere in there, saying: okay, you have officially learned enough to receive a piece of paper saying you’ve “mastered” this stuff, so now you can graduate from this program?  At what point can a person say, “okay, I’ve learned this stuff” ??

I used to imagine “professional Courtney” as someone who had figured out what it means to be a professional.  As someone who knows more answers to life’s questions.  What I’m realizing: maybe the “line” between earning a degree and not, between being a professional and not, is not the moment you realize you “have learned” everything you need to learn and now magically have this ninja-like capability you didn’t have before, but rather the moment(s) you finally realize that there may never be a specific time of feeling like a professional (at least, not in the cookie cutter way I have imagined that concept in my mind), or a specific time of feeling deserving of a degree.  Realizing that maybe the degree, the professional job, the *fill in the “grown up” activity blank* is rather about learning what you don’t know, than it is about learning what you do know.  Rather than knowing the answers, maybe it’s about knowing the questions to ask, and perhaps: to whom to ask these questions.  Maybe this realization is something I already knew, it just has a new meaning for me now.  Maybe that “ninja-like capability” I mentioned is something we all already have the potential for, it’s just a matter of opening our eyes to the fact that we have it.  My new goal: identify fear so I can stop it in its tracks before it numbs my ability to think, ask questions, learn, & ultimately: recognize my capabilities.

One of the most exciting things that has been on my mind lately has been: feeling like I have more direction for my passion now.  For as long as I can remember, I have felt like an uber passionate person, yet haven’t necessarily known where to direct that passion, and at times (especially in a classroom setting), have felt the need to stifle that part of my heart for fear of my unawareness of where to put it.  I do not totally have direction now, but rather perhaps a greater awareness of some of the things that light a fire in me, or that at least ignite a spark in me.  and I am learning how to channel that fire/spark/passion/whatever else I could call it, rather than allowing it to burst out of me in an out-of-control fashion.   I don’t necessarily think passion is something that is meant to be totally controlled, but I think that once it has a direction, the power of it can overcome just about anything, and there is great potential for the overwhelming influence it can have on a person, and thus, the world around that person.  I think what I need to keep doing is allowing myself to walk through life with my eyes open, and not close them when fear creeps through the cracks.  I just run into things then anyway, and end up making a fool of myself! :)

Ohhh, how much more of a difference we can make when our

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are OPEN!