Conscious inception:

a brokenness beyond what humans were meant to bear, perhaps?
I am my own worst enemy.  What a horrible thing to be.
I rarely genuinely despair, but how often do I make true
things
that aren't even there?

When I think, I seem to break.  How do I not go so deep and far into thought (like conscious inception or something) that I lose myself?? 

How do I perceive the world, my life, my heart, my relationships without using the world’s guidelines and standards? 

Screaming in my head.  Peace almost within reach.  Discontentment and dissatisfaction no matter where I turn.  Deep longing that seems like it’ll never be quenched. 

“My grace is sufficient for thee”—really?  Maybe only REALLY sufficient after I die. 

I love and hate that I write in a blog that no one reads.   

           Part of me wants to SCREAM TO THE WORLD, share my brokenness with everyone.  Yet, what would that accomplish?  That would be irresponsible and only set me up to get hurt and even drive people away. 

It’s probably good anyway because if taken at face value, my blog appears like an emo, angry and bitter outburst of emotion from a girl who hates everything and everyone. 
maybe, in reality, it’s just a crying out from the deepest places of my brokenness that I don’t know what to do with.  Or even how to locate.

So much gray matter.  

     Maybe I truly do need to (re)   focus 

on the reason I'm even alive: my God created me, and many times...kept me here.  He pulled me out.  

"To despair is to assume you know the end and that it's going to be bad.  But, as humans, we have no way of ever knowing that, so there's always hope."  

Don't even know how many times I've quoted that, but I always seem to come back to it.  Must...start...living that way.

I guess healing isn't supposed to be a delightful walk in the park.